Purpose

Last week, I found myself in a mesh of doubt and fear as I was laying out my 1-year plans. I felt I was being drawn strongly towards studying. But I had yet to decide if I would really go back to school or not. I carefully weighed the pros and cons of my schooling, and found that the greatest consequence would be my lack of time for (1) Sunday school, (2) whole-day weekend activities in SFC, and (3) sudden trips back home. My household would be moved to another day and a later time. I was beginning to worry about the consequences of my plans and choices now. I even consulted a reading entitled “How to Know What God Wants Me to Do”. I grew tired of thinking that I suddenly gave up worrying and asked God, “What do you want me to do?” But the answer came a few days later….

For 6 years, I have been blessed with a job that involves a lot of time with the internet. It’s been over a year since I first spent my free time writing daily reflections, and sharing them to others. Like any other daily reflections, I am being guided by Scripture verses. Through writing, I’ve learned a lot about God and about myself. But why all these worries and doubts when everyday I’m being fed with God’s Words? So, in my search for answer and purpose, I browsed through all 288 entries I’ve written. Then I found out that I have pondered and written about purpose already these past few months! Let me share some excerpts:

On March 13, I shared entries from the Purpose Driven Life online entitled “When the Future Seems Uncertain”. It quoted Jeremiah 29:11, 13: “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans… to give you a future and a hope… You will find me when you seek me, if you look for me in earnest.” The Bible suggests three timeless principles for facing an uncertain future: (1) Set goals according to God’s direction; (2) Live one day at a time; and (3) Don’t procrastinate.

On May 6, I wrote: When I was taking my 2-week holiday in Bicol last April, I had the privilege of hearing my parents' story on how they started with our family and how they managed to keep their marriage after 34 years. They had gone through a lot, and every decision they made went hand-in-hand with different consequences. All they could hold on to was their commitment to each other and our family. They went with the flow, learned from their mistakes, grew from the lessons, and kept the family intact. If it weren't for the ultimate decision to be with each other, our family wouldn't exist. And I wouldn't be here right now, sharing my reflections to you! :D How amazing has one simple decision taken us all! And all because it was written in God's master plan.

Somehow, I felt fortunate to be still single – not because of the freedom, but because of the TIME He’s still giving me to find wholeness in Him. I believe I am given more time to find myself and establish His place in my life. So when He calls me into taking a different course, I will be well-prepared, that no amount of negative influence or circumstance can even shake my very core.

"There's a time for everything" (Ecclesiastes 3) is one of my favorite verses in the Bible. When I look back, things always make more sense to me, when I had no idea then where I was being led. If I decided to stay home after graduation, I wouldn't have discovered my passion for kids and teaching. I wouldn't have met people in Thailand who shaped my life. I wouldn’t have been part of this community – this family in Thailand. I wouldn't have developed a habit of praying and reading the Bible. I wouldn’t have known God this way. I wouldn't have been many things.

On February 16, I wrote: My mom's YM status just caught my attention. It's by Benjamin Disraeli which read "The secret of success is constancy to purpose." This got me into thinking: what's my purpose?

I was reminded of what I'm supposed to be doing every single day: to appreciate the things that I have, or are happening in my life, to serve the best way I can, and to love. I believe that is how I can find contentment and happiness in my life. Well, mind you, I still have wishes and dreams like everyone else. But I can only hope and pray that the desires of my heart are according to His.

Yes, they were all written a few weeks or months before! Indeed, God has a reason and time for everything. I never imagined that my previous thoughts and writings would make way for another purpose, which is to share them to you today. It’s seems like He has really prepared me for this occasion. And through this, I got my answer to what He wants me to do…. He said, “Stop pressuring yourself. Focus on the task at hand!”

I have been blessed no matter how tiny my faith is. The thought of pleasing and glorifying God in whatever I do has become my source of wisdom, hope and enthusiasm in every waking day. The days that used to be empty suddenly became a haven of opportunities to bear fruit. My priorities have shifted. I have finally recognized what truly matters in my life – my relationship with God and my relationship with others. Finding purpose in God is truly a blessing.

We may be called to be a sharer today, a listener tomorrow, or an encourager or messenger the day after. He may even allow us to wander, taking us in the middle of nowhere just so we can find exactly where we’re going. Either way, God is faithful to walk with us as our journey continues. He just wants us to include Him in our plans and decisions so He may guide us accordingly. He wants to let us know that we matter to Him.

I know that my choices now have consequences in the days to come. Many of the steps I’ll take, I’ll make either out of careful analysis or mere faith. But He continuously reminds me that wherever I go, my purpose stands. There will be more people to meet, to know, to share Christ with, and to love.

So I looked at my 1-year plans again and asked God, “Do these plans please you?” It dawned on me that He was guiding my choices all along. It was overwhelming to see the blessings unfold one by one. My bosses at work supported my plan to study. There will be a semester break in October, meaning I could participate in the annual CFC/SFC retreat or seminar. And I can still join the CCD team for the same month. My household members have been supportive and understanding enough to agree on a weekly schedule that would not conflict with my schooling. And my parents will be coming to Bangkok instead of me coming home later this year. He simply took my worries away and blessed me with solutions! Though He allowed me to use my intellect to weigh my options, He fueled my heart with His wisdom. And so, armed with prayer and God’s love, I said yes to schooling. I’m starting on the 13th of June :D

I always end my reflections with a prayer. Let us bow our heads, close our eyes and pray: Lord, thank You for leading us where we are now, and for allowing us to become who we really are. May we consult You in every decision we make. May we take courage in pursuing our passions in life. May we trust in Your will and Your time always. We pray for those who are struggling to find their purpose in life. Shower us with Your wisdom as we learn to focus on the task at hand. May our days start with a smile and end with peace of mind. We May our lives be pleasing to You. And may we Love above all. Amen.

*Sharing at the Singles Discovery Weekend, dated 23 May 2009.