Judas Asparagus

A friend just forwarded this to me. If you need a laugh today, then this should do it! A child was asked to write a book report on the entire Bible. This is amazing and brought tears of laughter to my eyes. I wonder how often we take for granted that children understand what we are teaching? :D

The Children's Bible in a Nutshell
(Through the eyes of a child...)


The Old Testament

In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, 'The Lord thy God is one, but I think He must be a lot older than that.

Anyway, God said, 'Give me a light!' and someone did.

Then God made the world.

He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been invented yet.

Disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Eden.....Not sure what they were driven in though, because they didn't have cars.

Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Abel.

Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something.

One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but one of his kids was kind of a Ham. Noah built a large boat and put his family and some animals on it. He asked some other people to join him, but they said they would have to take a rain check.

After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some pot roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat.

Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was Charlton Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh's people. These plagues included frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable.

God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti. Then he gave them His Top Ten Commandments. These include: don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your neighbor's stuff.

Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more: Humor thy father and thy mother.

One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua who was the first Bible guy to use spies. Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and the fence fell over on the town.

After Joshua came David. He got to be king by killing a giant with a slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines. My teacher says he was wise, but that doesn't sound very wise to me.

After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets. One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then barfed up on the shore.

There were also some minor league prophets, but I guess we don't have to worry about them.


The New Testament

After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of The New. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn. (I wish I had been born in a barn too, because my mom is always saying to me, 'Close the door! Were you born in a barn?' It would be nice to say, 'As a matter of fact, I was.')

During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the Pharisees and the Democrats.

Jesus also had twelve opossums.

The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they named a terrible vegetable after him.

Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even preached to some Germans on the Mount.

But the Democrats and all those guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for Jesus. He just washed his hands instead.

Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again. He went up to Heaven but will be back at the end of the Aluminum. His return is foretold in the book of Revolution.

Dan In Real Life

Memorable Quotes:

Marty Barasco: Love is not a feeling, Mr. Burns. It's an ability.

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Dan Burns: [after the family sees him and Marie kissing] You guys broke up, right?
Mitch Burns: Two hours ago!

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Dan Burns: Instead of telling our young people to plan ahead, we should tell them to plan to be surprised.

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Dan Burns: I don't want to go out with the pig... face.

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Dan Burns: [getting a ticket] Put it on my tab.

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Dan Burns: There's rightness in our wrongness.

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Marie: [about Mitch] It seems all his best lines were yours... this is unbearable.

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Jane Burns: [about driving] If you don't let me, I'll never learn.
Dan Burns: But if I let you, you might not live.

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Dan Burns: What don't I understand, Cara? Please, help me out. What is it? Is it frustrating that you can't be with this person? That there's something keeping you apart? That there's something about this person that you can connect with? And whenever you're near this person, you don't know what to say, and you say everything that's in your mind and in your heart, and you know that if you could just be together, that this person would help you become the best possible version of yourself?

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Marie: You don't have to smile.
Dan Burns: It's better than the alternative.

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Dan Burns: Life... is full of disappointments

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Cara Burns: You are a murderer of love!

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Cara Burns: You don't have to worry because when it comes to sex, Marty is the one that wants to wait.
Dan Burns: What part of that sentence is supposed to give me comfort?

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PLAN TO BE SURPRISED! :D

10 Random Things

Was tagged by Eizelle.

HERE ARE THE RULES:
1. Each blogger starts with ten random facts/habits about themselves.
2. Bloggers that are tagged need to write on their own blog about their ten things and post these rules.
3. At the end of your blog, you need to choose 10 people to get tagged and list their breads.
4. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

Here’s my 10: I...

1. Had a pet bird named Choco Mousse, named after my fave dessert then. It died after my brother accidentally sat on it while watching NBA on tv.

2. Am super scared and diri of rats. Mala-pusa-ang-laki sewer rats. Ewww.

3. Had a big crush on Devon Sawa after seeing Casper. As in di-makatulog-tulala-sa-isang-tabi kilig. Adik.

4. Ate a whole bunch of bananas when I was 4, after asking mama if I could have some. I guess I assumed she meant the whole lot hahaha.

5. Loooooooove chocolates. Dark chocolates.

6. Hate okra. Except in pinakbet.

7. Had my first real boyfriend at the age of 26. And a virtual boyfriend at 23.

8. Learned to play the guitar from papa at age 9. First piece? Aubrey by Bread. Senti!

9. Always had "...However, she's very noisy/talkative" comment in my report card, from kindergarten to high school.

10. Was called "Bubbles" in one of my major subjects in college. Followed by other nicknames like "Kalibo", "Mo-an", "MSB", "Mojojho" and of course, "V1".

I’m tagging YOU! :D

Learning to Laugh

I find the following article very inspiring. I am grateful to know that I belong to a family who loves to laugh, and for having found real friends who enjoy laughter more than anything. May we all learn to smile, laugh and bring lightness into our lives, no matter how busy or troubled we may be.

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A relaxed attitude lengthens a man’s life. Proverbs 14:30 (LB)

Did you know that people who laugh live longer? It’s true. Proverbs 14:30 says, “A relaxed attitude lengthens a man’s life.” (LB)

Humor is an amazing thing. It’s a tension dissolver. It’s an antidote to anxiety. It’s just like a tranquilizer, but without any troublesome side-effects. And it’s free! You don’t even need a prescription.

Laughter is life’s shock absorber. If you want to have less stress in your life, learn to laugh at your circumstances.

Someone once asked U.S. President Abraham Lincoln how he handled all the stresses of the Civil War. He said, “If it hadn’t been for laughter, I could not have made it.”

Many famous comedians grew up in poor neighborhoods with lots of problems. They coped with their troubles by learning to laugh and making others laugh.

So learn to laugh. If you can laugh at it, you can live with it. And besides, if you learn to laugh at your troubles, you’ll never run out of anything to laugh at! Life is full of funny situations. The cowboy comedian Will Rogers once said, “I don’t know any jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.”

One of my favorite verses in the Bible is Psalm 2:4, “The One enthroned in heaven laughs.” (NIV) Isn’t that a great verse? God has a sense of humor. God laughs!

Have you ever seen the face of an orangutan? God thought that one up! That proves he has a sense of humor. Do you want to be more like God? Learn to laugh.

Article adapted from Purpose Drive Life -- Daily Devotional dated 29 April 2008

English IS A Crazy Language

English is a tough language to learn: Can you read these right the first time?

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present .
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting, I shed a tear.
19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France… Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, two geese. So one moose, two meese? One index, two indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

P.S. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"?

Forwarded by Joke-of-the-Day.

Single?

This was forwarded to me by a friend. It's fun to read, see if you can relate to one of these items, well that is ,*IF* you are single. My apologies for the language used, i will try to translate everything to English when i have the time. Anyway, enjoy!

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BAKIT "SINGLE" ANG STATUS KO, AT STATUS MO?!?!

Kaya heto ako at sasabihin ko sa inyo ang ilang mga rason kung bakit. Kesa kinukulit nyo ako kung bakit single ako at kung bakit d nyo rin maubos isipin bakit single pa kayo!

10. Perfectionist/ Mapili

Yes, isang taong perpeksiyonista. Yung tipong dapat ganito ang magiging kapartner ko. Pag may nakilala, nakita lang na pangit ang kuko o may dumi lang, turn-off na agad. O kaya ang daming ayaw. Ayaw sa mabait boring daw, gusto bad boy/pilya pero kapag pinaiyak ka tatanungin ka bakit ang sama mo bakit mo nagawa yun! Adik ka ba?! Ayaw sa cute, ayaw din naman sa panget. meron dyan gusto ka ayaw mo naman.. ung gusto mo halos magtambling ka pero
deadma parin yang stunts mo sa kanya! Pasaway ka rin e! Ano ba talaga kuya?

9. Busy Busyhan

Opo, eto yung ang mundo e gumagalaw lang sa libro at ballpen kung estudyante ka o kaya naman sa computer at files kung office staff ka. Yung tipong aalis ng bahay ng alas 6 o alas 7 ng umaga at uuwi ng bahay ng 6 hanggang alas 8 ng gabi [baligtad naman para sa mga nag tratrabaho sa call center]. Sabay tulog na. Kapag sabado masaya na sila sa tv, sa pagkain na niluluto ni mama at sa linggo naman sisimba at maghahanda na ng kelangan para sa lunes hanggang byernes. Pssssst... ka muna and pause for awhile...

8. Friendship Theory

Ano naman ito? Eto yung ang buhay ay kay bestfriend o kaya kay special friend na hindi masasabi sabi sa friendship nya sa loob ng kanilang mahabang panahon na pagsasama dahil baka daw maapektuhan ang pakikipagkaibigan at iwasan sya. Yung tipong pag may kasama si friendship na iba, nagseselos na wala naman sa lugar, pero syempre wag pahalata, kunyari happy sya for friendship. ABA! Oi lakasan mo ang loob at baka mamaya forever mong pagsisihan yan kaw rin.

7. Born-to-be-one

Eto yung nasa palad na ang pagiging single daw... Walang reason... Basta lang nabuhay sya sa mundo na mag-isa at feeling nya mamatay sya sa mundo ng mag-isa. Kesyo magmamadre o magpapari na lang. Asa kang tatanggapin ka pa noh!

6. Happy-go-lucky

Eto yung taong walang alam kundi kasiyahan at trippings. Kahit sino nalang basta no string attach. For fun lang daw... Walang halong seryosohan. ABA hoy! yang init ng katawan mo e ikiskis mo nalang sa pader. Makakahanap ka rin ng katapat mo!!!

5. Wrong Place

May nakaranas na ba nito? Yung pakiramdam mo nasa ibang mundo ka. Yung ang nakakaharap mo e yung mga hindi mo gusto, yung mga hindi mo hinahanap. Alam mo yun? Halimbawa nasa ibang bansa ka, pero ang hinahanap mo e yung amoy ng nasa sariling bayan mo. O kaya naman e nasa sarili mong bayan ka, nasa normal na lipunan, pero ikaw ang abnormal at hindi mo kayang sabihin na abnormal din ang hanap mo kung ayaw mong ibitin ka nila ng patiwarik.

4. Wrong Time

Eto yung mga tao na sinasabi na, "hindi pa ako ready e bata pa kasi ako" o kaya naman "hindi pa ako handa sa panahong ito, wala pa ako kayang ipagmalaki." Yes meron pong ganyan. Yung feeling nila may tamang panahon para sa love. Awwwwwww. Aba kelan yun? Pag uugod ugod ka na at yung time mo e bitin na? O baka naman pag pang out of time ka na? Oist, sugod lang ng sugod...

3. Si parents kasi...

Yes, factor din ang komyunidad na ginagalawan mo. Una, ayaw pa ni mader o pader na magkaron ka kahit 22 anyos ka na at kelangan umabot ka muna raw ng 40 bago magkaroon ng gf/bf. O kaya naman ikaw mismo! Takot sa sasabihin ni parents at ni kapitbahay na tsismosa sa magiging kasama mo. Aba ikaw na nga ba ang sabihan na "Alam mo hindi kayo bagay. Langit at lupa kayo." Sus! Payo ko sayo, pakialam nila diba? Palibhasa inggit!

2. Traumatic Experience

Eto kalimitan ang reason ng marami. "Ayaw ko na!!! takot na ako mangyari pa ang nangyari dati!" O diba ang drama ng layp? Yes, tama ka. Eto yung dahil sa past relationship mo, e until na ayaw mo ng magkaroon at sinumpa mo na ata ang magmahal. Dahil sa pinagpalit ka sa mas pangit, o kaya naman iniwan ka ng walang word na "bye-bye", o dahil binugbog ka!, ano pa ba? Madami yan... wag na nating isa isahin at baka tumulo si tears...heheh Gayunpaman, eto lang masasabi ko mga hija at hijo. Ibat iba ang lasa ng pag-ibig. May mapait, may mapakla, may matamis at may maasim. Aba mapalad ka at natikman mo ang ibat ibang lasa nito. Kaya ikaw, Do not be afraid to fall in love again... malay mo sweetiness na ang malasahan mo next time. E di panalo ka sa lotto. Yan ang nagpapalakas sayo... Yang ang bumubuhay sayo, ang pag-ibig. tsk! drama!

1. EX to the nth power!!!

Oi aminin!!! LOVE parin si Ex kahit 1 - 2 yrs na ang nakakalipas. .. May ganito naman. Yung tipong ilang taon ang nakakalipas, hindi parin makalimutan si ex. Yung pinagsamahan, yung tawanan, yung iyakan, at lahat ng nangyari sa inyo nung kayo pa. Malungkot man at sa kung anumang kadahilanan, maganda man o masama ito, kelangan nyong magpaalam sa isa't isa. YES, after a year sasabihin natin, im over him/her na, pero pag-usapan natin ang love at ang nangyari sa ating relastionship from the past, TADANNNNNNNNNNNNN, eto na, sya agad ang naalala mo. At habang nagkukwento ka, ouch may kirot, o kaya may ngiti at may bumabagabag sa ating kalooban.... Ano kaya yun? AMININ mo na kasi.... MAHAL mo pa si EX.... Isa lang ang masasabi ko, well mahirap sya kalimutan alam ko yan... pero open your heart and makipagdate ka, lumabas ka, at try to entertain someone. Wag mo ikumpara si ex sa iba. At give yourself KITKAT, take a break..

The Man Rules: How True?

My man has commented, wittily *eherm*, on the following items, and our exchange of opinions has somehow given me answers to the ones having a slight level of ambiguity (I sense a "like what?!?" from the men hehe)... Share this to both men and women and see how they respond. Good luck!

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At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down.

Finally , the guys' side of the story. ( I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear " the rules" from the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.

Please note.. these are all numbered "1 " ON PURPOSE !

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports
It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just SAY it!

1. Yes or No
are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girl friends are for.

1. Anything we said six months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways
and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something, or tell us how you want it done.
Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible,
Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, it is NOT a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing,"
We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to,
Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...
Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about
Unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape.
Round IS a shape!

Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping out.

Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them a bigger laugh.

Sisters

More pictures at Flickr Mojojho!

Movie Titles

Check this out. Ang kulet hahaha!

English movie titles you DEFINITELY should NOT translate in Filipino

1. black hawk down - ibong maitim sa ibaba
2. dead man's chest - dodo ng patay
3. i know what you did last summer - uyy... aminin!
4. love, actually - sa totoo lang, pag-ibig
5. million dollar baby - 50 million pisong sanggol (it depends on the exchange rate of the country)
6. the blair witch project - ang proyekto ng bruhang si blair
7. mary poppins - si mariang may putok
8. snakes on a plane - nag-ahasan sa ere
9. the postman always rings twice - ang kartero kapag dumutdot laging dalawang beses
10. sum of all fears - takot mo, takot ko, takot nating lahat
11. swordfish - talakitok
12. pretty woman - ganda ng lola mo
13. robin hood, men in tights - si robin hood at ang mga felix bakat
14. 4 weddings & a funeral - kahit 4 na beses ka pang magpakasal, mamamatay ka rin
15. the good, the bad and the ugly - ako, ikaw, kayong lahat
16. harry potter and the sorcerer's stone - adik si harry, tumira ng shabu
17. click - isang pindot ka lang
18. brokeback mountain - may nawasak sa likod ng bundok ng tralala / bumigay sa bundok
19. the day of the death - ayaw tumayo (ng mga patay)
20. waterworld - basang-basa
21. there's something about mary - may kwan sa ano ni maria
22. employee of the month - ang sipsip
23. resident evil - ang biyenan
24. kill bill - kilitiin sa bilbil
25. the grudge - lintik lang ang walang ganti
26. nightmare before christmas - binangungot sa noche buena
27. never been kissed - pangit kasi
28. gone in 60 seconds - 1 round, tulog
29. the fast and the furious - ang bitin,galit
30. too fast, too furious - kapag sobrang bitin, sobrang galit
31. dude, where's my car - dong, anong level ulit tayo nag-park?
32. beauty and the beast - ang asawa ko at ang nanay nya
33. the lord of the rings - ang alahero

Terms of Endearment

I've been meaning to make a list of common and not-so-common terms for quite some time now, as I have always expressed hearty interest in romantic comedies and everyday-kabaduyan, usually for laughs. So, here it goes....

1. Baby, or Babe in short

2. Mahal, Irog or Ga for Pinoys

3. Love in any language like "Mon Cherie" in French, "Amor" in Spanish, "Amore" in Italian, "Tee Rak" in Thai

4. Sweetheart or Sweet

5. Darling or Dahlin

6. Honey or Hon, with some variations in spelling like "Hunnee" or "Hunnie"

7. High-calorie foods like Buttercup, Butterbun, Cupcake, Muffin, Munchkin, Pudding

8. Angel

9. Dear/Dearie

10. My Precious (in a Gollum-like tone)

11. Self-indulgent terms like Ganda/Pogi (Beautiful/Handsome), Hunk/Hottie, Prince/Princess

12. Or doting terms like "Baby cakes", "Baby face", "Baby girl", "Babykins", "Boo", "Honey bun", "Honey bunch", "Honey bunny", "Honey pie", "Honey toast", "Lovey Dovey", "Pookie", "Poopsy woopsy" or just "Poopsy", "Schnoodle bum", "Schmoopsie poo", "Snuggle bear", "Snuggle bunny", "Snuggles", "Sparky", "Sugar", "Sugar bun", "Sugar lips", "Sugar smacks", "Sweet cheeks", "Sweetie pie", "Sweetie", "Sweetkins", "Sweets", "Tootsie poo", "Tootsie wootsy", "Twinkles"

13. And other extraordinary terms like "Honey, My Love, So Sweet", "My Boy Lollipop", "Chupachups", or simply "Hoy!"

Ok. We can all gag now. Hahaha.

If Kids Wrote to God

Anything is possible through the eyes of a child. -Anonymous-

What would you ask God if you could write to Him?

Songkran @ Kanchanaburi

I've been living in this country for years but never have I participated in the Songkran festivities. Getting wet in the middle of the street was not my idea of fun, so I had been avoiding it by flying back home. But this year, my friends and I decided to witness the highlights of Songkran -- not in the city, but in a wonderful province called Kanchanaburi.

It took us less than a week to plan the getaway. We were able to make a reservation even at the last minute, thanks to the wonders of the internet. Hotel/guesthouse bookings in provinces are usually full during this time of the year in Thailand, since most people from Bangkok leave the city for the holidays. Check out Sam's House. This was where we stayed for 2 nights.

Day 1: We were greeted by splashes of water, left and right! The songtew driver even tried to avoid the *busy* streets so we could arrive at the guesthouse safe and dry. As we enjoyed the moment, we wondered where all the water was coming from, because they were using an awful amount of water by the minute. We found out the next day that they pumped out water from the river Kwai.

Sam's House was just as we expected. Well, to cut the story short, the website pictures are the same as the actual place, hehe. We just checked in, dropped our bags in the room, then headed for the bikes. We pedalled our way across town while getting spattered by cold water and powder all over. There's no point avoiding the wet folks, they sure know how to hunt the dry ones down. We rode our bikes till sunset, right when the splashes stopped. That was truly a ride to remember.

Rain came, so we raced back to the guesthouse and had beers and chips at the back porch while waiting for dinnertime. There was something weird about dinner, though. For some reason, there was cauliflower and carrots in our tom yum... hmmm. Well, fortunately enough, we eat ANYTHING when hungry, so never mind about that. When the rain stopped, we headed for the massage parlor to relax.

Day 2: It was an early start. Got up at 7, then had breakfast at 7.30 while waiting for the tour group to pick us up. We had the day planned out for us. The tour included: swimming and trekking at Erawan waterfalls; elephant trekking and bamboo rafting; trip to Kra Sae cave (or rather *a glimpse of*) and the wooden railway bridge; train ride on the Death Railway; and, quick tour to the bridge on river Kwai. I liked bamboo rafting the most, not only due the fabulous scenery, but because my friend was having the time of her life with this mouth-watering hunk. (Well, she just sat beside him and had a little talk on the raft, in case you're curious *wink wink*)

The 400-meter hike to Erawan falls was a bit of a disaster. The national park was packed with people, and we had to climb really, really high to get a decent space of water and rocks. The water was cool, and the boulders of rocks were slippery, and two toes on my right foot are now swelling like chorizo de bilbao because I slipped and hit the darn thing. Ok, exagge. But my toes do hurt... *sniff*

Night came, and the rest is history... (clue: something to do with booze and whatever-occurs-in-this-room-stays-in-this-room kind of thing) Haha! Well, it was a fun night. Thanks to my friends, with whom I shared some good laughs till 2.30 in the morning.

Day 3: Woke up at 9.30 am, packed, checked out at 12.30, had lunch near the bus terminal at 1.10, got on the bus at 1.50 then headed back to Bangkok. We arrived 2 hours later, then went straight home to enjoy the leftover sinigang and adobo, with matching pusoy-dos.

Check out the rest of the pictures here. Enjoy!

Kabaklaan

Gay talk always makes me laugh. Here's one hilarious review about the movie 300, forwarded to our org's egroup:

Aahaaay chorva!

Di kinaya ng powers ko ang kahotness ng movieness na itetch! It's raining men! (haleluya)! like go go go mga anik anik at ang mga mudra mega taray ang haba ng hair production number clothing designer eklavu powerness! kaboom!

It's like go papa spartans! go delisyus fighting karne! i get so weak on the knees i can't hardly breathe go go go! spapartans make bugbog the evil persia! make warla the queen xerxes.

At antaray naman ng lolaaaaaa xerxes mooooooo! nagmamaasim ang fingerlets ng hinawakan si spapartan head papa! ang entrance pang vilma with matching solid gold dancers itetch! with diamente ala maricel! wiiinnneeeeeer! ang eye brows ha! mega shoot to the stratosphere sa katarayan!

Ang warlahan ditetch daig pa ang rineregla sa dami ng vlood! at ang nacut neck na cutie spartan...nag cryola aketch! di kinaya ng emoticons ko ang death by tamponess ng cutie spartan. huhuhu. I'm sure proud si mother ricky dahil ang ganduuuuuuuuh talaga ng movieng itetch. like super mega walang halong chorva!

PERO LYER SILA! binilang ko ang mga papa...di umabot ng 300. 127 lang ang mga spapartans! etchos!

More Pet Peeves

Here are some of my personal ones:

1. tunog ng takong sa hallway pag dis-oras ng gabi (hindi mumu, marami lang talagang inuumaga ng uwi sa apartment ko)
2. sirang gulong ng grocery cart na magloloko lang kung kelan puno na at pababa na ng moving ramp
3. mga taong parating may “like” sa mga pangungusap nila. like duh?!?!
4. mga makikipagset-up ng meeting tapos di tatawag pag na-late o hindi pala makakarating
5. mga nangangalabit ng madiin at paulit-ulit
6. mga nagpapatong ng basang baso sa mga lamesa may barnis tapos walang coaster
7. tangled hangers and wires
8. mga bumubusina nang walang humpay
9. mga nagngingiting-aso
10. cellphones na ang ringtone e “Happy Birthday”, o “We Wish You A Merry Christmas” kahit hindi pasko

Pet Peeves

I was browsing through my files earlier and found a list that my close friend (cheers, bakla) and I made ages ago, of annoying things people say and do. Just thought this was worth posting :D

1. mga umuubo o humahatsing na di ngccover ng bibig
2. mga dumudura
3. mga ngbburp ng malakas tapos di nag-e-excuse me
4. mga ngkukutkot ng natuyong sugat, dandruff o nangungulangot in public
5. mga taong nsa unahan mo, nglalakad ng napakabagal, tapos di ma-overtake kse paliko-liko; o kaya ung biglang titigil sa gitna ng daan pag di alam kung saan pupunta
6. mga taong nagtatanong ng stupid questions o sumasagot ng oo na hndi naintindihan yung tanong
7. mga pa-cutie
8. mga kuha ng kuha ng pagkain ng may pagkain
9. mga nagyoyosing nagbubuga ng usok sa mukha mo, tapos timing na bagong ligo ka, or umagang-umaga
10. mga maingay ngumuya
11. mga taong nagrereact sa movie house, nagkkwento sa katabi o nagdadaldalan habang nanonood ng sine, o di nagpapatay o ng-m-mute ng phone sa loob ng sinehan
12. mga mahilig bumulong o magchismisan sa harap mo pa, tapos tatawa
13. mga taong walang ginawa kundi magreklamo, o mag-inarte

Movies That Suck

You will waste your time, money and energy watching the following films. Trust me, I already regretted ever seeing them.

1. Prime - Uma Thurman, Meryl Streep (i wonder why Meryl Streep agreed to be casted here)
2. Shopgirl - Claire Danes, Steve Martin (what an awful pair)
3. Dark Water - Jennifer Connelly (ghaaad.. what a waste of film!!!)
4. Superman III - Christopher Reeve (corniest movie ever)
5. Madagascar - Chris Rock (i just hate the guy, and all of his movies hahah)
6. Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason - Renee Zellweger (just not funny)
7. Elizabethtown - Kirsten Dunst, Orlando Bloom (boring...zzzzz...)
8. Bewitched - Nicole Kidman, Will Ferrell (i love you both, but this movie really sucked)
9. Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo - Rob Schneider (oh so sad)
10. White Noise - Michael Keaton (good start, the rest is rubbish)

More on the list...
11. Little Nicky - Adam Sandler (oh, for the love of Pete...)
12. Intolerable Cruelty - Catherine Zeta-Jone, George Clooney (is this really a movie?)
13. The Royal Tenenbaums - Gwyneth Paltrow, Ben Stiller (totally weird)
14. America's Sweethearts - Julia Roberts, John Cusack (where did all the good scriptwriters go...)
15. Happy Gilmore - Adam Sandler (kailangan ba talagang sumayaw at kumanta, with matching choreo, hah?!?)
16. Baby Geniuses - unknown cast (how on earth did i ever end up watching this film?!?!)
17. Men In Black 2 - Will Smith, Tommy Lee Jones (ghaaaaad, Tommy Lee is such a drag! Will Smith could've made the movie work on his own)

...and all the monster creature movies like anaconda, komodo, etc etc, (infinite to you) where the script and acting are just plain stupid.

I'm sure I got more, but can't remember all. Will add next time hehe. So what's YOUR suckie movie?

*Note: icons courtesy of Rotten Tomatoes :D

Isn't It A Wonder

... how some people always feel the need to go the bathroom, though unintentionally, while in the middle of an online or a phone conversation with a specific person? :D
... that some people consider coasters a necessity? Or that their hangers and pegs are color-coordinated?
... that sometimes, those who know less, speak more? And vice versa?
... how some people, in dire need, say they can't find a job, when in fact they just won't settle for anything less or non-glamorous?
... how others claim they are religious, yet they do the exact opposite?
... how Thai women eat and eat, but don’t get any fatter?
... that pa-cuties exist?

A Little Dose of Friends

The one where they said....

Monica: Hey, Joey! What would you do if you were omnipotent?
Joey: Probably kill myself.
Monica: Excuse me?
Joey: Hey, if Little Joey's dead, I got no reason to live.
Ross: Uh, Joey.... OM-nipotent.
Joey: You are?

Chandler: [to Joey who's removing his tie] Would you put that back on? Monica's gonna be here any minute.
Joey: But it hurts my Joey's Apple.
Chandler: Okay, for the last time. It's not named for each individual man.

Monica: [while on Chandler's back] Chandler, where are my boots, do you have them?
Chandler: Yes, why don't we look in one of my saddlebags while I chew on a bale of hay!

Monica: Well, this is the last box of your clothes. I'm just gonna label it, "What were you thinking?"
Rachel: Funny, because I was just gonna go across the hall and write that on Chandler.

Phoebe [Singing]: First time I met Chandler, I thought he was gay,
But here I am singing on his wedding day…