10 Random Things

Was tagged by Eizelle.

HERE ARE THE RULES:
1. Each blogger starts with ten random facts/habits about themselves.
2. Bloggers that are tagged need to write on their own blog about their ten things and post these rules.
3. At the end of your blog, you need to choose 10 people to get tagged and list their breads.
4. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

Here’s my 10: I...

1. Had a pet bird named Choco Mousse, named after my fave dessert then. It died after my brother accidentally sat on it while watching NBA on tv.

2. Am super scared and diri of rats. Mala-pusa-ang-laki sewer rats. Ewww.

3. Had a big crush on Devon Sawa after seeing Casper. As in di-makatulog-tulala-sa-isang-tabi kilig. Adik.

4. Ate a whole bunch of bananas when I was 4, after asking mama if I could have some. I guess I assumed she meant the whole lot hahaha.

5. Loooooooove chocolates. Dark chocolates.

6. Hate okra. Except in pinakbet.

7. Had my first real boyfriend at the age of 26. And a virtual boyfriend at 23.

8. Learned to play the guitar from papa at age 9. First piece? Aubrey by Bread. Senti!

9. Always had "...However, she's very noisy/talkative" comment in my report card, from kindergarten to high school.

10. Was called "Bubbles" in one of my major subjects in college. Followed by other nicknames like "Kalibo", "Mo-an", "MSB", "Mojojho" and of course, "V1".

I’m tagging YOU! :D

When Hope Fades

I died...
Eyes that used to reveal life and passion
Are now blurred by tears that would not fall
The same ones that smiled when my heart rejoiced
And wept when it mourned.
They say that the eye is the window to a man's soul
And mine was as clear as crystal.
Yet over time, dust seem to have settled
And the eyes that used to follow my lips
Now utter blank words,
As if trapped in a place where no man can go.
They gaze at memories of the past, and linger
Until the heart is convinced
That everything was but a dream.
The heart that beats for love and hope and joy
Aches with uncertainty,
Afraid that all hope would soon be lost.
What remains of it, however,
Tells the soul to be calm,
To go where the wind blows,
And to live as though the end
Is just a step away.
How I long to live again!
But my heart knows better.
So it speaks,
"There is a time for everything.
And now is the time to rest."

When You Love

You do each deed with all your heart
Moments of waiting don’t matter
You don’t ask for anything in return
You treat each day like no other

You always come up with a surprise
And give it with such loving eyes
You keep each promise that you make
You learn to give more than you take

Little by little, you learn to break
The wall that separates the earth
From your once selfish and skeptical self
That was always proving your worth

You cease to worry about tomorrow
You learn to live by the day
You always pray for the good of the other
And learn to trust in God’s way

Your heart leaps on each hello
And breaks on every goodbye
But deep within, you’ll find good memories –
Real treasures you can forever live by.

Playing with Fire

“To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus said, ‘If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free’ ” John 8:31-32

No doubt you’ve noticed that people around you are not into absolute truth these days. When it comes to matters of morality, the prevailing philosophy is a multiple-choice view, with competing thoughts and perspectives on what is right and wrong listed as A, B, C, or D. And although these perspectives are often contradictory, prevailing pop philosophers today have added choice E: “all of the above.”

While many people are comfortable with such ambiguity in their personal choices, very few would want their material world to be this arbitrary. Everyone affirms that there are some basic, absolute physical laws that govern our experience and shape our behavior. Take, for example, the reality of heat and fire. I first learned about this when playing in my Dad’s car as a 5-year-old.

I was mesmerized by one particular feature in this new car—the cigarette lighter. I can remember not only discovering the lighter, but pushing it into the socket. I was enamored by the glow of the red circles on the lighter when it popped out. But I pushed my curiosity a little too far when I pulled the glowing lighter out and pressed it on the tip of my index finger. I still can’t explain exactly why I did this, but I quickly realized that it was not a smart idea!

In that moment I discovered that the physical laws governing heat and fire are not arbitrary. The circular lines branded on my finger were powerful evidence to convince me that fire burns and that I needed to keep a healthy distance. Understanding the absolute nature of gravity, mathematics, blood pressure, and other physical realities is essential for living life safely and successfully.

But isn’t it interesting that even though we all believe it is important to respect and submit to physical laws, many of us now believe that moral laws are up for grabs! Unfortunately, believing and living by that philosophy inevitably leads to disastrous consequences.

And the most dangerous outcome of all relates to our eternal destiny. If we live in a morally multiple- choice world where nothing is always wrong and nothing is always right, then there is no sin. No sin means no need for a Savior. If there’s no need for a Savior, there’s no point in the cross. The empty tomb means nothing, and there is neither hell to be shunned nor heaven to be gained. Our Bible becomes at best irrelevant and at worst the scheming work of ancient men designed to oppress and deny us the privilege of pleasure. Yet God has made it clear—some things are right and some things are wrong. There is sin, and we need a Savior. There is a hell to be shunned and a heaven to be gained. To ignore the reality of moral absolutes is to play with a fire that you don’t recover from.

In fact, it isn’t just eternal consequences that should concern us but the impact on life as well. The breakup of homes, the increasing violence on our streets, the alarming rise of sexually transmitted diseases such as AIDS, and the general unraveling of a sane and safe environment all testify to the destructive impact of ignoring God’s laws.

Thankfully, God is not a multiple-choice God. Jesus came to assure us that there is truth and that if we know and live in the realm of His truth we are truly free! Free from the inevitable consequences that come when we live to do whatever we want to do.

No wonder the psalmist wrote that those who delight in the law of God are “like a tree planted by streams of water,” and that those who scoff at the truth are “like chaff that the wind blows away” (Psalm 1).

YOUR JOURNEY…

• Why do you think that people are willing to accept the absolute nature of physical laws, yet willing to deny the absolute nature of God’s moral laws?
• How have you seen multiple-choice thinking in action around you? What have been the consequences?
• Has multiple-choice thinking, even in small ways, begun to infect your life? What specific steps can you take to joyfully live in the truth today? Make a specific plan.
• Read Psalm 1 and reflect on which category describes your life—a watered tree or worthless chaff?
• What would it take for you to “delight” in God’s law?

Taken from Strength for the Journey dated 15 January 2007.

Out of Our Minds

"Do you not fear Me?" says the Lord. --Jeremiah 5:22

Why would a prison inmate escape from prison the day before his scheduled release? That's what a Rhode Island prison spokesman wondered as he answered questions from reporters. He said, "For the life of me, I don't know what possessed him to leave with only one day of his sentence left to serve." Once captured, the escapee would be arraigned on charges that could land him back in prison for up to 20 years.

Most of us probably would wonder about the shortsightedness of this inmate. But we might not be as conscious of our own nearsighted approach to sin. We might not see the absolute mindlessness of pursuing a few moments of selfish pleasure in exchange for lasting regret.

Jeremiah pointed out the folly of such actions. In the 5th chapter of his prophecy, he reminded us of how much we should respect God's power (v.22), and that short-term pleasures will bring long-term losses (vv.28-29). Sin thrives on self-deception and doesn't look ahead to the result (v.31).

Father, forgive us for being so stubborn and blind. Thank You for making a provision for our forgiveness. We realize that without Jesus we would have no hope. Help us to do what makes sense—for today, and for tomorrow. —Mart De Haan

We can't afford to play with fire
Nor tempt a serpent's bite;
We can't afford to think that sin
Brings any true delight. —Anon.

Sin sees the bait but is blind to the hook.

Taken from Our Daily Bread dated 18 October 2001.

No Answers?

Shall the one who contends with the Almighty correct Him? —Job 40:2

Just before Christmas 2003, Lydia came home from work to the sight of flames shooting out of her house. She was devastated by more than the loss of her home—seven of her family members died in the flames. When news about the tragedy spread that morning, a deacon from her church rushed to comfort her. She had some deep questions for him, but he had no answers.

Lydia could relate to Job's story. He lost all 10 of his children (Job 1:18-19), yet he continued to worship God (v.21). Then his health was affected, and his wife urged him to curse God and die (2:9). Job's friends thought they had the answer—he must have sinned and deserved his troubles.

Job complained bitterly to the Lord and pleaded for an explanation and relief, but God didn't give him any answers. He didn't even tell him about Satan's request to test him (1:6-12; 2:1-6). Instead, He reminded Job that He was the all-wise God and that Job was not. Job was humbled, and he repented for having questioned God's authority (42:1-6).

This side of heaven, we may not find answers for our desperate questions of "Why did this happen?" and "Why me?" But we can rest in the truth that God is in control and that He loves us. —Anne Cetas

Though darker, rougher, grows the way
And cares press harder day by day,
With patience in His love I'll rest,
And whisper that He knoweth best. —Pentecost

God does not have to answer our questions, but He will always keep His promises.

Taken from Our Daily Bread dated 5 December 2004

Inspiration

Not all initiative, the willingness to take the first step, is inspired by God. Someone may say to you, "Get up and get going! Take your reluctance by the throat and throw it overboard— just do what needs to be done!" That is what we mean by ordinary human initiative. But when the Spirit of God comes to us and says, in effect, "Get up and get going," suddenly we find that the initiative is inspired.

We all have many dreams and aspirations when we are young, but sooner or later we realize we have no power to accomplish them. We cannot do the things we long to do, so our tendency is to think of our dreams and aspirations as dead. But God comes and says to us, "Arise from the dead . . . ." When God sends His inspiration, it comes to us with such miraculous power that we are able to "arise from the dead" and do the impossible. The remarkable thing about spiritual initiative is that the life and power comes after we "get up and get going." God does not give us overcoming life— He gives us life as we overcome. When the inspiration of God comes, and He says, "Arise from the dead . . . ," we have to get ourselves up; God will not lift us up. Our Lord said to the man with the withered hand, "Stretch out your hand" (Matthew 12:13 ). As soon as the man did so, his hand was healed. But he had to take the initiative. If we will take the initiative to overcome, we will find that we have the inspiration of God, because He immediately gives us the power of life.

Taken from My Utmost For His Highest dated 16 February

Surrender

Last night, i was reading about surrender... that to attain complete freedom and peace of mind, we have to surrender EVERYTHING to Him, and that surrender IS an act of worship. Then it occurred to me how little I have actually given up for Him. I thought the process of lifting everything up to God was a one done deal. Then I just realized that we actually have to practice it everyday... until it becomes a habit. We are not perfect, and we are not meant to do goodness out of fear or obligation. We do it out of love... And we cannot truly love anyone else, or even ourselves, unless we love Him first. It seems simple as soon as we realize it, and we need to remind ourselves everyday that it's the ONLY way to keep going. Of course, there comes trust, but you can never really trust if you don't love first. And in order to love Him, we have to know Him more.

There was a time when I couldn't stop thinking about a problem that's been troubling me for weeks. I longed for dreamless sleeps, but was always haunted by exhausting dreams like running, falling or crying. But you know, the choice is always ours. Once we learn to lift our worries up to Him, we are bound to choose to make it all stop. The situation is beyond our control, all we can do is let go, and trust God. Again, it is so easy to say, but there really is truth to it. Once we grasp the real essence of surrender, what doesn't make much sense now will have the greatest sense later on.

No matter how far we go in this world, we ought to go back to square one to understand what 'living' really means. Eventually, we will be made perfect, in His will and time. Let us start knowing, trusting and loving our Lord Jesus Christ NOW. May God be praised forever.

Trust

As I was reading Genesis 18 last night, where the stories of Abraham, his gift from God and his plea for Sodom are told, I reflected on prayers.

In this chapter, it shows how faithful and merciful God is, considering bargains and proving everything is possible if we just trust in Him. He knows our deepest desires, and He will grant it in His own will, which is always the best.

When we say prayer, we usually think of requests. Is this all there is when we talk to God? For me, praying is an intimate communication with Him, glorifying His name, thanking Him for all the countless blessings day by day, asking Him to guide me in everything I do so that I may live according to His will. When I look back on requests I made before, some of those turned out far from what I expected, and they all worked out for the best.

That's why I strongly disagree with the term "unanswered prayers". It distracts me everytime I hear it. When God says "no", didn't He answer? God always answers. He listens and feels every joy and pain. It just happened that the answer was "no", or maybe "wait", but still, He listened. Maybe we need to assess our requests. Is it according to our will, or His? Sometimes even that we can't figure out. Maybe praying for discernment is a much better request.

There are times when we are still plagued by worries, fear and impatience, and we couldn't help but ask, or even blame, Him for things happening to us. But somewhere in the long train of thoughts, He answers, so profoundly, that we are left speechless. And we feel humbled. We feel someone truly listens, without judgement, rejection or abandonment. And we are loved.

DVD

Everyday, we meet people who get to have a glimpse of ourselves which builds what we call "first impression". Rarely does it last, especially when you get to really know the person in and out.

But how sure are we that the person people see in us is truly who we are? When we look in the mirror, do we fully recognize the image staring back at us? We think we know ourselves so well, yet we are surprised by our initial reactions on matters that make us snap.

Just tonight, I was tested. I don't usually snap in front of my friends, but for some reason, I did. Bad mood got worse, and led me to push my friends away instead of keeping them a little bit longer. Over and over, they asked me what was wrong. Honestly, I didn't know why. Was I being too melodramatic? Was it just the effect of watching a drama special on dvd, which made me cry the previous night that had me blabbing about it so as to get others interested in watching it, and which for some reason, had made my friends laugh and....

Ok, wait. Maybe THAT's the reason why I got so cranky all of a sudden... A big-deal-to-you-small-deal-to-others kind of moment. I expected that my friends would see it the way I saw it. Maybe I just couldn't believe that they would make fun of it until the end. Does it have to do with pride? Or was I too immature to handle the situation? Maybe both. It did hurt a bit when they just wouldn't stop. I started thinking they were laughing at me, and not at the movie anymore. I just wish they could guess what was going on in my mind to save me from dealing with all the drama. Fortunately, we can do something about things we have control of. So I chose to be silent. Tthis too shall pass, as they always say. Haaaay... mood swings suck.

Oh, life. Friends always mean well anyway. Enough is enough. I guess I just need to sleep on it....

The Power of Words

In the Old Testament, a lot of examples were given about parents giving blessings to their children. At first, it did not make much sense to me since parents always have good intensions anyway. But having read about these actions, it made me realize that parents' words are powerful indeed. That the blessings that they hand over to you are actually gifts from God... and in the same way a curse, when given out of rage, or even unintentionally.

Two years ago, my father jokingly said, out of nowhere, that i would turn out to be a spinster. I just laughed that time, thinking how ridiculous it was since it came from my father, who I am very close with. I even forgot about it, until recently. I never thought how much it truly affected me until I had a series of conversations with friends about parents' blessings. And the moment I started uttering the word "spinster", tears came rushing down my face. Deep down, I couldn't accept that I would have that fate. I've always known that I would be a good wife, a good mother, a good home-maker. But somehow, that word shook me. Am I losing faith? Are my desires the same as His? I asked myself.

Then just an hour ago, I had a talk with my mom. I asked her how her birthday celebration went. The mood was very light, then it occured to me that I had to let my mom know. So I told her what I learned about parents' blessings and how significant they truly are. I also mentioned about Papa's *joke* and how I wanted him to take it back. I was very confident that my mom, knowing how faithful and prayerful she is, would understand what I was trying to tell her, even after she panickly asked if I was getting married already, thinking that was the reason why I asked. And so she promised that the blessing would be given to me when I come home in December.

I don't know what's in store for me in the future, but somehow, that conversation has given me more hope and courage... that no matter what happens, I will be alright. I feel much better now.

Signs

When we ask for signs, it’s amazing how they show up instantly. Other times, it could take days or weeks before the sign actually gets answered.

I guess signs are a form of hopeful prayers, so sure that they’ll always be answered. It could be an instant ‘yes’, or ‘wait’, or just plain ‘no’. A friend once told me, when we ask for signs, it is important that we become very attentive otherwise, it might just pass us by. However, some of us try to cheat on signs, like insist on something as a sign especially when it is in favor of our own desires. It totally defeats the purpose.

I have asked for a few signs recently. The most significant one so far came to me after a week! I thought it was a ‘no’, being the impatient person that I am. Just imagine the look on my face when it showed up right in front of me! I was so stunned all I could do was stare.

Sometimes we are plagued by questions and doubts that in the end, we are left with the phrase “bahala na”. How often do we take this phrase as something so negative, when in fact, it is the exact opposite. So much time and energy are being wasted over worries that we forget all we need to do is sit back, relax, wait ever so patiently, and let the Master of all creations work on the situation. As the saying goes, “when we’re down to nothing, He’s up to something.” He truly makes a way, always. Such comfort to let go of all anxieties!

So I have set a new rule for myself. When trapped in a mind-boggling situation, pray, ask for a sign, wait, and have faith on whatever comes next.

Terminal Boredom or Strange Sanity

Sometimes, having too many vacations is bad....

5-sec intro pose of the world-famous "Mobit-Mobit Dance", plus the finale jump


Dead tired (emote mode)... Imagine all that clapping, stamping and jumping.

and good.... I bought plants at Chatuchak! It was my first time to go there on "plant day" (Thursdays). The whole market was filled with plants and trees, it was like walking into paradise. Well, exagge. But it felt nice.

And the food. Healthy food (champorado at tuyo, on a rainy afternoon, da best... and kiwi juice on a separate occasion, of course).

Christians

By Maya Angelou

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not shouting "I'm clean living.'"
I'm whispering "I was lost,
Now I'm found and forgiven."

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble
and need Christ to be my guide.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak
And need His strength to carry on.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed
And need God to clean my mess.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible
But, God believes I am worth it.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I still feel the sting of pain.
I have my share of heartaches
So I call upon His name.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner
Who received God's good grace, somehow!

My Offering

For months, I have struggled to focus on Jesus Christ alone. I've had numerous debates inside my head about faith, judgement, hope, etc. Eventually, He made me realize that the key to overcoming every mind-boggling thought or situation is to trust what's in your heart and not your brain. Because that's where He actually knocks and feeds us with true wisdom.

I've always tried to make a Christian song out of every song I listen to. Here's one (Makita Kang Muli by Sugarfree):

Bawat sandali ng aking buhay
Pagmamahal Mo ang aking taglay
San man mapadpad ng hangin
Hindi magbabago aking pagtingin
Pangako natin sa Maykapal
Na tayo lamang sa habang buhay
Maghintay

Puso’y nagdurusa nangungulila
Iniisip Ka ‘pag nag-iisa
Inaalala mga sandali
Nang tayo ay magkapiling
Ikaw ang Gabay sa aking tuwina
Ang aking Ilaw sa gabing mapanglaw
Tanging Ikaw

Ipaglalaban ko ang ating pag-ibig
Maghintay Ka lamang, ako’y darating
Pagka’t sa isang Taong mahal mo ng buong puso
Lahat ay gagawin makita Kang muli,
Makita Kang muli

At first, I was a bit hesitant to indulge on the words. That's when I realized how attached I still am on the thought of romantic love. Thanks to my best friend, who helped me look at it at a different angle. I never thought the person referred to in the song could actually be Jesus Christ, and God the Father as 'Maykapal'.

I've always tried to be cautious getting myself back into daydreaming, a world where we fantasize about things we have no control of. This usually leads me to impatience, which eventually turns to losing my focus on Him. That's why I always remind myself to trust in God, and I will never go wrong.

Coffee Theory

It's only been 24 hours since my best friend left for Manila, but I already miss her. Dang.

As I was having my after-dinner cup of coffee with a friend (yes, 11pm at that), I could not help but think of the long conversations my best friend and I had over a cup of cappuccino or latte or a peach frappe. Friends wonder, "how on earth could you not run out of things to talk about?!?" 5 hours of non-stop talk is normal for us. Well, 3 straight days is still THE record to beat haha.

It's truly a blessing to witness our friendship mature, as our individual selves have. I remember the first few years we've been together. We've always been profound about lots of things -- like men, work, life, family, you name it. Usual girl talk, if you know what I mean. But now, I believe our friendship has taken a *leap of faith*. Never did we imagine that one day we'll be talking about God. Sometimes, when we reminisce about stuff we talked about in the past, we can't help but compare how much we have truly grown. Now, we reflect on things we have read (amazingly, sometimes we receive the same message on separate instances) and try to discern the message together when the words seem unclear. We have helped each other deal with our weaknesses, especially patience and pride. We have also learned to count our blessings more.

Humor plays a major role in every conversation. We can be very much into serious stuff, but we sure can laugh like crazy. It is a kind of friendship one would wish to last, till every strand of hair turns to grey, even when both have families of their own.

We have certainly made several eyebrows raise upon sharing our friendship with others, and we've always tried to ignore prejudice. On the other hand, a number of friends and acquaintances have honored our friendship, sometimes even wished they had the same. On a human scale, it is truly something to be proud of. At the same time, it is humbling, because we continuously try to submit ourselves to Him, praying and hoping that others may see the glory of God instead of ours. We tend to reach out to others, hoping to build meaningful friendships with other people, too.

Honestly, to walk by faith has been a day-to-day struggle. But when God is in the middle of our relationships with our brothers and sisters, we are assured that someone else is walking that same path, and the road definitely seems a lot smoother.

Stop, Look and Listen

After living yet another day of sinful opportunities, I have realized how much we have conversed the whole day. Every single thought and feeling, He knocks. Lost in doubt, He stirs us back into the right path. Everyday, I am tempted to indulge my thoughts on jealousy, doubt, misjudgement, selfishness and lust. And the minute He speaks, I feel ashamed for even entertaining those thoughts. How mighty is His work in our hearts!

The other day, I have allowed my own selfish thoughts to wander again in malice on an innocent person. On and on, I prodded, as if trying to prove myself more worthy of something. Never should we think less of others. Who are we anyway?

Guilt is a blessing. It tells us we are connected to Him, that we are aware how sinful we are. Thru this, we are given the choice to follow in His steps or not. And for this, I am eternally grateful.

So, what did He tell you today?

A Prayer

Lord, thank you for this wonderful day, for giving me a chance to make up for my sins and to be enlightened by Your grace. I am a sinner who is not worthy of You, but still You shower me with Your blessings. You have made me see happiness even in the smallest things. For this, I am grateful.

Thank you for these words that have just recently opened my heart....

Love for Enemies (Matthew 5)

43"You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' 44But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. 46If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? 47And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? 48Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

Lord, I am the enemy. Please forgive me for I have hurt special people in so many ways. Friendship has taught me many things that I realized how much I have really lost. I had let anger, pride and hate take over me. I did not listen to what You were telling my heart to do. For this Lord, I suffer. And I deserve it. I ask that I may be forgiven. It does not matter how long, for I am still here.

Lead us not into temptation -- away from anger, pride, hate, jealousy and vengeance. I lift up everything to you, Lord. May Your will be done.

Delayed Reaction

I'm not sure why this post never got published, but this was written several months back....

I have been dying to try to face one of my worst fears -- rejection. I always thought I could never bear the humiliation of being rejected by someone you bravely asked out. Because putting yourself up there, not knowing what would be the response, could be so mind-boggling that you lean more into the "no"-reply and start wishing you never existed. I thought only guys had this paranoia. Now I know this sort of thing also happens to women.

For years, I have struggled to show my flirty side, which I recently found out I have none. My closest friends, especially the men, commented after a series of potential-mate incidents, that my idea of flirting is not even close to the actual thing. Which means, all the men I thought I've shown interest in probably assumed I was just being friendly, or worse, they were just not interested.

Then it finally happened. A guy who I believe to have shown interest many months back reappeared. He was sending all these mixed signals, and I know I really wasn't (due to the lack of flirting ability) so I'm not sure if I gave him the wrong impression. But this time, I saw no trace of vagueness or weird humor, which used to confuse me, in a nice way. We got into talking again, and I was more eager this time. After a few minutes of sushi talk, I popped the question, "You wanna have Jap food some time?" Blood rushed to my face the moment I realized what I've just said. The old panic-sticken paranoia. But to hell with it, I thought, it's already out there. I finally calmed myself. Then he said it.... No.

Hmm... ok, back to present time. I have yet again allowed myself to be in another roller coaster situation. For the first time, I have dared myself to actually go a little bit beyond the borders of friendship, which eventually turned sour. After weeks of confusion, frustration and denial, I have fallen into my own trap. Lost and scorned, I still wondered why I just couldn't let go. Then, crazy as it is, I realized how much I liked the person, despite of all the hurtful things that could've been left unsaid. Sometimes we just need to admit it to ourselves first before we could actually get over it.

Ok, before the curses and screams, it made me realize another important thing. It wasn't as bad as I thought. I used to imagine myself running to the hills and hiding for a very long time. But nothing was lost. The world didn't stop turning. I'm still here, waiting, with unfailing hope, that someday my time would come. Sometimes I forget that He always tries to test our patience. Like wise men always say, "Trust in God and you will never go wrong". For now, I'm absolutely sure that He has made me capable of swallowing my pride.

The Dawn of Maturity

The more you try to save everybody, the more you tend to choose to give up somebody. It's nasty, especially when you have a harmony-loving nature. It does seem complicated at first, because you always try to avoid ending up hurting someone. But there comes a point when you really have to set your priorities. Who matters most. Once you figure out who from whom, no matter how hard it is to try not to burst somebody else's bubble, you just have to do it. Painful, but a must-do. Otherwise, the ones who really matter will suffer. Can you bear that thought?

You really can't please everybody. So better please yourself first, then everything will follow.